2oo6...

well.. 2oo6 already.. *sigh*.. where does the time go?? i wish i knew what i was doing.. i guess this whole process has taught me that.. u can't give 5o% and expect to be taken seriously.. u gotta give 11o%.. funny thing is.. i usually give 1oo% in anything i do.. but.. when it takes to making a proper commitment.. i just don't think i can.. my heart's not in it i guess.. how can you give 1oo% in something you're not sure you want?? rudie says it's like relationships.. but.. i guess the "rest of my life" feels a lot heavier career wise.. i just don't know what to do with myself.. i wish i could afford more.. better.. not have my parents think so little of me (and belittle me infront of others.. :\).. i don't really know what to do nemore.. i should find a new job.. but i don't know what i'm capable of nemore.. not that i ever did.. it's amazing to think that i've come this far not knowing what i'm doing.. and i guess this is where i have to figure that out.. oi.. i'm starting to feel like i'm losing myself.. who am i really? i don't think i can be this shy reserved girl nemore.. i have to start being a grown up.. haha.. sounds so funny.. freaking i'm going to be.. 25 this year.. and i still think of myself as a kid - even though i'm living on my own and blah blah.. weird how you take things for granted.. i mean i have accomplished a lot right.. its just a matter of moving on from here.. blah!!!!